Feb 5, 2011

The one where I try to save everyone except myself.

One of the things I have struggled most with in my life is the need to “save” people I care about, or even people I just met and don’t know at all,  from themselves or life in general. Here is a perfect example.
When I was in 8th grade, there was a girl in my class who was painfully shy. She came from a HUGE family of kids. She never spoke. Not that I heard, anyway. She just kept to herself. Sat alone at lunch. Always had her head down. She OBVIOUSLY needs me.
At first, I just started sitting by her at lunch. Not right next to, across from. I would say hi, and she would just nod. Without looking up. Soon, my friends starting sitting by us too. We were always joking and laughing. Sometimes I would catch her smiling at something someone said. Without looking up.
Now, just so you know, my group of friends were not the popular kids. We were the nerdy, kind of misfit kids. People didn’t dislike us, but we were not popular. So I guess I was just presuming that this girl needed a group of friends, and we were perfect for her!
Weeks went by. She had still not said a word, but she seemed to like all of our lunchtime antics.
So I decided to invite her to my birthday party. A sleepover. When I asked her if she wanted to come, she said the one and only word I would ever hear her utter.
I was so exited! Me and the other girls immediately started planning…..This girl would be so happy now! She would have a group of friends! Maybe we should give her a makeover…..teach her to disco dance……..fix her up with a boy!!! ( You see where this is going, right?)
Long story short. She comes to the party. We proceed to scare the crap right out of her. She calls her mom to come pick her up one hour into the party, and practically HIDES from me for the remainder of the school year.  I felt really terrible.
I have done different variations of this over and over again in my life. I usually don’t even realize I am doing it until I am so embroiled in someone else’s life that I don’t know how to crawl back out of  it. I end up attracting alot of users this way.
I am working on it. I really am. But I am not there yet.  I will be, though. Someday.

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