Jan 19, 2011

And the winner is.......

I'm not sure who's handing out the "Mommy of the Year" awards this year. But I'm pretty sure I'm not winning it. Here's why.

My seven year old is obsessed with death, Dna, and being adopted by Bigfoot.
She has already made me write down specific instructions for her funeral, just in case I am dead and can't be there to organize it. It goes something like this.

1. Beautiful pink dress.
2. Light colored casket with purple silk lining.
3. At least 200 people in attendence.
4. They all have to be singing and crying.

She also talks about Dna all the time. What is hers like. Should we have it tested, just in case. What if it isn't human. What if she is related to Bigfoot, and I am keeping that knowledge from the world, and her from her true parents, by refusing to have her Dna tested.

And her newest thing. Asking random people "If I was an orphan, and lived in an orphanage, would you adopt me?"
She asks people this right in front of me! It's even worse, because they usually can't understand her, and then I have to interpret the question.

Me : She wants to know if you would adopt her if she was an orphan.

Random stranger : Oh! Of course I would, honey! Isn't this your mommy, though?

Me : No, I'm her foster mom.

Uncomfortable silence.

..........................................................................................................................


Then there is my 13 year old son, who is the most angst-ridden teenager on the planet right now. He is questioning everything, and writing all sorts of dark thoughts down. And posting them on Facebook, where my entire family can read them.

His facebook life is some horrible purgatory in which his entire exsistence revolves around being tortured on a daily basis by popular kids, republicans and government spies.

His actual life is pretty laid back. He is homeschooled, only hangs out with people he chooses to hang out with, gets whatever he wants from his Dad, who has that kind of money to spend. And still calls me "Mommy."

By the way, I love my kids. They are just really really strange.

Don't judge.

1 comment:

  1. Wasn't there a dress code at Nelda's funeral too? I can't remember.

    :)

    ReplyDelete