Sep 24, 2011

Bad day

I love my kids to death. All of them. But some days are so hard, and I feel like I really really was not cut out to be a mother. Today is one of those days. Actually, there have been more days like this than not lately, and I am kind of at my wits end. And I get so lost in all the "coping" that I don't know where I went for sure.....I need a break bad, and there is no way to get one. On top of all that, the father of my youngest is an alcoholic, and he is on a serious bender right now, and taking it all out on me. I get no support from him, money or otherwise, and never have. And our daughter, who was 3 months premature, has serious sleep issues along with a whole slew of other autistic problems. She is a full time, 24 hour a day job, and according to him I am the cause of all of her problems. I want a quiet day. I want a full nights sleep. I want to cook a meal that doesn't cause one, if not 2 of my kids to have a meltdown. I want to remember who I was before I got all tangled up in doctors and diagnoses and everything in my life being about how deal with the next meltdown. I know there are a ton of people that have it worse than I do, so I feel incredible guilt for even feeling this way.....Gah! I hope it gets better at some point, or that I get better at it. Something.


  1. I'm glad you shared.

    Devotion is oooozing from this post. That is love.

  2. Even those mommies with supportive husbands and easy kids feel this way sometimes. I always feel like I'm screwing something/someone up. And that I just want a break. However, I feel like if I take a break, someone more qualified for the job of wife/mom would step in and take my job. And do it better. And that would kill me. I hope it gets better soon - or at least that you get a full nights sleep every once in a while :)